I feel like a phony
take advantage of your grace
don't deserve to be called
your son, I gave up on me
but you said you'd never leave

you stay by my side, when I
should let you drive and let go

How do you love when
I sin and disgrace your name
How do you give
when I give your love away
How do you know
when I feel such shame

stay by my side, please, I
should let you drive and let go

You've given so much more
than I know
you lead and guide me
please use the pain to help me grow

use the pain to make me
more like you

use the pain to mold me
use the pain to make me
stand still and trust you more

Bleeding

I watch you walk around town
And mumble chants to yourself
While I listen to the mesh
The mental notes squawking with
The birds while I contemplate
Self doubt and your doubts
As we walk by the wallpaper
Of this foreign town growing
On our skin, the wind breathing
Inside the idea of the new normal.

We walk the intersection
Of fall leaves and
sweat drops falling as tears,
People trying to survive
The 9-5s and 24-hour shifts
Of loneliness and meandering
The graveyard shifts
Whether if it’s lies, hurts, pains
Onto red-eye flights of memories
The things that follow us
Into dreams of ghastly
Asking the night air what’s next,
Tasking the soul in how to break free

When strongholds fall
In mumbled prayers
Of half opened mouths
Flossing pillows between cheekbones
And when angels sing
Through rain’s chorus of blood drops
From the practical, needing and hurt
When I walk outside and clouds
Seem to part and stretch the sun,
Emotional stitches healing after surgery
of the fall
And the birth of something new