Evelyn's Father

Then spake Jesus
Again unto them, saying,
I am the light of the world:
He that followeth me shall not
Walk in darkness but shall
have the Light of Life
~John 8:12
 
Sometimes in dreams
I hear
John the Revelator
reciting scriptures
telling me what’s to come—
 
I hear him talk as
he walks with me at midnight,
past the shadows
of my own thoughts, feelings I ponder
so much, know so little.
 
He tells me nations will be judged
those who don’t receive him
those who reject
those who don’t believe
even those without spot or wrinkle--
will face a doom that’s yet been met.
 
I’m scared John,
so I recite the 23rd Psalm—
The Lord is my shepherd,
is he?
I shall not want,
but I do. There’s so much I want
to understand.
 
Wars and rumors of war,
deacons stealing from the pots,
men creep in unaware
by leading sheep into the hearts
of wolves, it hurts me so.
 
John, tell me, when
will it get better?
In the dream world, I continue
to walk through the darkness,
for I know there must be an end
 
to the means, there must be
something better. Marriages fall
apart, fifty percent divorce rate—how
will Adam and Evelyn make it?
 
I read Emily Dickinson
the other night, she knew
what to ask, so I ask her now
what she’d say or do.
 
I hear her voice next, gently
rambling in my mind.
I stare at skinny branches
scraping my window, resting
 
in the night like toothpicks trying
to prick the sky, her voice speaks volumes
in little time, I hear her say
 
that scriptures don’t help
don’t seem to care,
but truth—is
too—reticent.
 
In the quest for silver lining
my spirit—too perplexed
I search for answers still—
not found just yet.
 
If you are the light, help
me deal with losing
my wife and Evelyn.
 
I was wrong to try to break
her heart, but
I want to repent.
 
I wait, now
but it’s dark once again.
 
In this house right now,
the moonlight is
my only comfort, my only
release.
 
If you are the light,
simply—speak.